Hopeless in Hope by Wanda John-Kehewin

Author:Wanda John-Kehewin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9781774920855
Publisher: Portage & Main Press
Published: 2023-08-31T16:25:02+00:00

19

Nohkum Almost

Goes to Hollywood

After school I walk to the hospital. I made sure to tell Grace that was my plan when she dropped me off at school this morning. I do not want a repeat of her worrying like last time.

I think Grace might have anxiety too. Here’s a thought: we all have anxiety, but some of us more than others. I learned in science class that fear is actually an automatic response that keeps us alive. Hmmm. An automatic response to keep us alive? How can my anxiety keep me alive when it feels like my heart is going to stop because it’s beating so hard and I can’t hear anything but the inside of my own head? Boom, bang, boom. I think the monkeys have cymbals now.

When I get to Nohkum’s room, she’s lying there watching the doorway and she sees me immediately as I sweep in with all my monkeys. Her face lights up and she reaches both arms out to embrace me. We hug gently and she smells my hair.

When Nohkum asks me how I’m doing, I don’t tell her I started reading the journal. I don’t tell her about Misty and their yelling. Instead, I tell her about Jared and his nice teeth. I tell her about Grace and the wonderful things she cooks. Nohkum says she wants to come live with me in the group home. I stare at her oddly, and she just laughs and launches into a story. “Did I ever tell you about the time I almost went to Hollywood?”

I shake my head.

“Well, there was this young man who had the brightest smile, almost as bright as the moon. He bought a car, a nice blue one the colour of the sky on a clear day. He was what you young girls call... hot.”

I shift a little, then look into her eyes and giggle. Her eyes smile back at me. “Well, one day soon after I get out of residential school he comes driving up the road. I don’t have anything to do, so when he asks me to go to Hollywood, I say sure, pack a few things, and jump in the car.”

Nohkum is silent so I gently ask, “Then what?”

Nohkum continues, “Well, here comes the almost part—we make it to Vancouver and we party for a few days, then end up selling the car and going to Seattle!” Nohkum is laughing so I laugh too. “I still have the Seattle T-shirt somewhere.” Nohkum laughs hard and clutches her side with a sharp intake of hospital air. “Ow weeya! Ouch, I gotta stop laughing!”

I stop leaning on her and sit up. When I ask her if that’s a true story, she says, “Are my eyes brown?” I nod. “Then it’s a true story.”

Nohkum asks if I have Shirley’s journal with me and I nod. She tells me to take it out and open it to the last page and I do. It says:

God grant me the serenity to accept the

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